Being Friends With Your Ex: The Dos and Don’t s

Sometimes you just gotta let it go. Other times, you hold on to it because they will always be a lesson taught to you.

I am friends with my exes. Particularly an even closer friendship with one – he is by far still the best person I could have been with. Why didn’t we last? If he was the best, why did it all have to end? At first I thought, it was just life. Things happen and that led to circumstances, that brought us to where we both are now. Exes who are good friends and that’s all there is. But he has never missed asking me back in his life, because we both knew, we can only have each other. See that’s the point, we only have each other. And I missed being able to see others who are better than him unfortunately. I can safely say I don’t love him the way I used to. It was too quick of a relationship in fact. And I can’t even emphasize how much of his flaws I refuse to be part of my life. So here are my dos and don’t s. I survived with this arrangement, you probably can too.

Do:
Do keep in contact with your ex if you ended it in the first place. At this rate, you actually do need your ex to get over your ex. They’ll get over you eventually too.

Do set yourself boundaries. No sex on the table. Off the bat, sex with your ex can be a beautiful thing, but it’s also the ugliest thing. Give a ground rule, like never hang out on your own with them and make regretful decisions. I’ve been there, I’ve felt how fucked it was emotionally – for a moment I thought I was in love again.

Don’t s:
Don’t expect that they’re the same as before. The reason why it ended, even if you ended it, is because people change. And growing apart to be part of that change comes with it.

Don’t expect for your ex to love you back if you do. Chances are you were not in love with them in the first place. And pain is just as twice.

Well those are merely 2 of each. One must reveal all. Otherwise, I’d be deemed to be too bias. Or for most cases, I’ll be pointed out that there is true love out there for exes. But I’m happy where I am. I’ve grown to know him a lot better and I know that friendship is the best relationship there is for him. Let’s just leave it at that.

 

“You’re My Kind of Ugly.”

Those words were the most quirkiest thing I’ve ever heard.
I wondered by the numerous compliments, it was just appropriate.
For some reason, it never made me angry.
Knowing that it came from you, I was more than flattered.
I’d be deemed a fool from others for accepting.
But I’m in love. A fool in love nonetheless.
It hasn’t escaped my mind, neither have you.
Been longing for you for most days.
On my worst days, I wanted you’re warm embrace.
On my perfect days, I wanted you’re tender kiss.
But all that has got to wait for more than a hundred days.
Funny how this all began with a conversation.
On my parent’s anniversary even more so.
I believe that every decision will lead you to your fate.
But I never thought that this type of destiny was drawing near.
Blame me for being mad and crazy, but I’ve fallen completely for you.
It wasn’t just your ideals and your humour.
It was all that makes you.
In other words, you’re my kind of ugly too.

To the Friend Who Never Want to Lose Me, But I Lost You Instead…

It mattered to me most how you stayed up late, looking out for me the whole night. Texting me on the phone making sure everything was going to be alright. Then you left. Without a trace, a note, a memo that probably would have said “Hey, I’ve gotta go. I never want to speak to you again.”

How long was it going to take for me to realize that I thought you were using me this whole time? Sure, there were those who have been with you through thick and thin, but I was one of them. You told me so. I don’t want to overthink, but no matter how close you are to me, I’m too far from you. What could have led to this circumstance after all? Was it something I said? I still wish you’d come by and surprise me. The kind of sincere friend that I know you are.

You know what’s funny, that I thought I really, really liked you. But it was just a silly crush. It was clear to me when I found out how much you flirted with other girls. And you’re the fuckboy friend that will only be a friend out of loyalty. What was I thinking then? But all is well when I knew it was that characteristic that made you. A flaw I can’t accept but I can grow to like. We’re really just friends and I want to keep it that way before I could lose you completely.

Not a text or call from you ever came after 4 months of talking non-stop about random stuff. I had a great time. You were that friend I opened up to most and you tore those walls that I closed for long. You were also that friend that brought me out of my shell and I gotta thank you for it. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have led myself to this guy I finally grown to truly like or maybe even love. I learned to get to know people on a deeper level and it’s feels amazing. So I’ll always be grateful for that.

Forgive me for being so pissed at you at the time when you didn’t even tell me you came back. I’m truly sorry for judging you too soon that I was never your priority. I always thought, maybe he will save the best for last. Based on the times you kept on telling me that you love me. It was music to my ears. To know how much I mean to a dear friend. But that wasn’t enough to get by with your actions. I do hope, everything is alright with you. I hope you are happy wherever you or whatever you’re doing. Life is beautiful like you always said.

Thank you for the times you stayed up just to talk to me. Thank you for always being there. Now is the time I finally let you go and you let me be on my own like you mentioned. I sure did learn a lot from you. Thank you.

I don’t doubt that I like him, and in fact, I’m starting to like him even more. Maybe it’s his mystery, his kindness, his sense of humor, his laughter, his smile or all of the above. But I always felt stupid to feel this strongly about someone I’ve never met in person. It was all virtual. As I wait patiently to meet him, I become hesitant of what he’ll think of me. How can I miss someone I’ve never even met?

The Express Lane

In the recent years, social media has been the perfect paradigm for expressions. But it has become more superficial that anyone’s opinion/thought can be anybody’s too. We try to outdo each other by who could the most valid argument or the best pictures. Forgetting the value of how ingenuity works; oftentimes we would see ourselves in the image we opposed to be. What do I mean by that? It means we have so many different opinions on so many different things, that we become what we dislike – or worse hate.

It’s ironic to surpass the thought of switching off your screens and go outside, and inform people about it while your screen is switched on and you’re inside. Don’t get me started with the constant casual perception of, “Oh, I’m fine with anything.” Neutrality will never get you anywhere and you’ll only cause others to have more opinions about behind your back than in front of you. They’ll get in your head and presume because they insatiably can’t have you in the middle between war and peace.

I am merely expressing a thought here, whether which side – politically or socially, I’ll keep them at bay. Some people are right you know, those who say, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, just keep quiet.” But it doesn’t mean you don’t get to voice out either. Pretty sure, we have seen examples of how one would talk to the public, they present themselves with such charisma. And then there’s advises; advises that would make or break us. It’s really about the way we talk than what we say. You could simply debate how much you hate chocolate cake, and end it with being gracious, “I prefer not to have chocolate cake, thank you.” How does that compare to, “I hate chocolate cake. Did you know how many calories it has than vanilla cake?”

However, this post is just another opinion.