In Secret, In Happiness, In Truth

Hi, I’m a boy and my best friend is a girl
Platonic friendships can go way back
And you’re right, I did fall in love with her
The kind of love that never wants to let her go
The kind that wants her happy whatever happens
She will never know how I truly feel
I choose not to, it’s true
This is a cowardice move
But I will never let her fall for someone like me
Not ever, she deserves someone better
Someone like you
Protect her, that’s all I ask
Keep her safe, be there for her when she needs you
Be there to tell her she’s beautiful even at her worst mornings
Hug her when she feels cold, or when she wearing short sleeves
Tell her how amazing she is at singing even though you know how horrible it is
Let her know she’s done a good job coming back from work
I’ve known her since we were little
She’s one tenacious lady, especially for whom she loves
That’s you. Do whatever it takes to never let go of such a beautiful person

Hi, I’m a girl and my best friend is a boy
He’s pretty amazing to me, we grew up together
I’ve made up my mind that he will never be mine
And I’m happy where I am right now
The way he looked at you, was the same I had for him
Perhaps it’s just another Love, Rosie reference
Perhaps not, because this never broke my heart
For what is worth, it made my heart stronger
He knew how much I loved him
He never seems to, but he will always forever remain
Keep him company when he needs somebody
When he’s sad he will never tell you
But be a shoulder for him to cry on
Tell him that he has a beautiful heart
Tell him he smells great even on mornings where his breath stinks
He loves surprises give him as much of that
He’s on amazing guy and he’s now with you an amazing girl
Don’t let him go, be clingy however you want to be
He loves that. Even more so, he loves you.

Uncertain

It was a cold, eerie night, she needed the warmth of his embrace
The ones that she kept she dreaming of, it wasn’t a just a phase
She needed protection from the nightmares that haunt her
That soon she will be left alone and broken, all that was done to her

He gave what he could to make her happy, to make her smile
Nothing was to separate them, not even a mile
Evidently falling for each other, it was rather unrequited
She was so sure of him, but he didn’t show that he was, not quite

When I Was A Little Girl

When I was a little girl,
I dreamed of becoming a princess,
That one day I will make a difference when I rule as queen.
That I will be loyal to my prince charming.
And soon time passed and I grew,
I don’t need to be a princess to make an impact.
But I certainly want to be loyal to my prince charming.

When I was a little girl,
I played with dolls who had beautiful big blue eyes,
I wanted to be this beautiful,
With soft hair flowing down, my dolls were pretty.
And soon time passed and I grew,
I don’t need to be like the dolls to be beautiful,
I was confident that I’m beautiful to anyone’s eyes,
Showing grace as I walk pass the faces.

When I was a little girl,
I wanted to be tough, like the superheroes I read.
The ones that save lives and the ones give hope
Heroes are tough and stong.
And soon time passed and I grew,
I grew to be tough when hard times hit.
I saved lived because I showed love and courage.
Standing up for what was right, I don’t need any credit.

“You’re My Kind of Ugly.”

Those words were the most quirkiest thing I’ve ever heard.
I wondered by the numerous compliments, it was just appropriate.
For some reason, it never made me angry.
Knowing that it came from you, I was more than flattered.
I’d be deemed a fool from others for accepting.
But I’m in love. A fool in love nonetheless.
It hasn’t escaped my mind, neither have you.
Been longing for you for most days.
On my worst days, I wanted you’re warm embrace.
On my perfect days, I wanted you’re tender kiss.
But all that has got to wait for more than a hundred days.
Funny how this all began with a conversation.
On my parent’s anniversary even more so.
I believe that every decision will lead you to your fate.
But I never thought that this type of destiny was drawing near.
Blame me for being mad and crazy, but I’ve fallen completely for you.
It wasn’t just your ideals and your humour.
It was all that makes you.
In other words, you’re my kind of ugly too.

Whatever that Came Back from the Past, Leave It in the Past

It was just a mini reunion,
A small interaction between past lovers.
It was quite unrequited,
He loved her, but she couldn’t.
And here they are,
In the midst of a silent night.
The silence became imminent,
As his head rested on her thighs.
It was a talk of random things,
“Would you rather…?”
“Truth or Dare,”
It gave them quite the scare.
He once slept on her shoulder,
Way back in high school.
Oh but it caused a stir around,
There was someone else.
For her heart already belonged to one,
She will not love the other.
But years have gone,
And things turned out to be good.
She fell out of love.
In time for him to fallen out of love too.
The night grew longer and colder,
Avoiding him, she looked at her phone.
The time was going slow and steady.
Her heart beating fast.
His hands shaking and sweating.
It was a game of where she’ll feel the tickle,
A game one must not play,
For it was a risk she never chose to take.
He poked and poked,
It was a stuck of being petrified.
She asked herself and wondered why,
As he reached her breasts,
He held them and played,
Her heart beat slowed,
Into the calmness of the night.
He whispered in her ear,
“Do you want me to stop?”
“I don’t know.” She replied.
She hesitated, she knew she wanted it.
But her thoughts were of someone else.
Someone far from her,
The guilt ran through her veins.
He knew what was up and stopped,
He held her close again,
Tears fell from her face as she said goodbye.
It was the last, it should be the last.
But he wouldn’t budge and let her go,
He brought her home,
And made sure she was safe.
She continued to regret what was done.
She thought she left it all behind,
He thought this was his chance.
It was all for the wrong reasons,
Her heart belonged to another,
To someone who dreams of touching her,
Someone far yet so near.
His mind was running in confusion.
Dazed from his past love.
They knew it had to stop somewhere.
It had to stop right there.

I Don’t Really Know

They say, “Write what your heart tells you to write.” Well here goes nothing I guess. I’ve been thinking about him lately. All this while, it’s been about him. How he made forget I ever failed in my previous relationships, and not be affected by the past. I don’t know how he does it really, or maybe it’s just really in my mind this whole time. That this whole entire time, I could have easily forgotten how I was cheated on, bet on and betrayed. I didn’t think there will be any problems of how my feelings developed for him. Perhaps, I was too hasty to want him so badly because he just simply makes me happy. And for the first time, I’ve never felt like this. Is it really just a sway of emotions?

This talk of relationship advises has been getting to my nerves for the past 3 years that I’ve been single. You know, when they tell you to wait patiently for the right guy to come along, or that you have to play hard to get. They all seem pretty normal statements to me, which I think anyone is capable of doing so. I guess I’m overthinking again – afraid to get hurt again. It’s so much risk and the last time I decided to give my all, the whole relationship just crashed.

And I don’t think I deserve someone like him; he’s funny, he’s kind, he’s a gentleman, and etc. He’s very considerate that he’ll tell me when he’s busy and he makes time to talk to me. He’s such a genuine person. I don’t deserve someone like that to be honest. He should be with someone who is kind, and funny and interesting. I’m nowhere near that. Maybe I’m just really insecure and my self esteem just went down. Maybe it was his way of telling me the type of girls he likes and I’m not close to his list. Maybe it’s also when I have to stop talking about us because he doesn’t want anything serious. It’s all clear to me, right under my nose and I kept denying it.

I don’t even want some random to come into my life anymore, because I’m investing everything for him. It’s too much. I give too much like I always do and I end up being broken. Sometimes, I wonder how it feels like being taken care of, or even being loved. It has never happened to me before, it certainly won’t happen now.

A really cool fact, in all my relationships, I was never given any gifts because I never wanted any (that’s cool too). We never celebrated Valentine’s Day or anniversaries or monthly whatever. I’ve always been the nice girlfriend who never demands anything from a guy except his time and attention. Maybe it was never enough. It was never enough that I was oblivious to everything else. Maybe I was never enough that he had to cheat on me. That he had to tell me I was his rebound through a text message. That it was never a relationship. That I’m too nice and he wants a bad girl. That I’m too emotional, moody, cranky and over dramatic. That I wasn’t wild enough to have a drink (well good news for ya buddy, I started drinking when you broke up with me when you told me I wasn’t pretty enough). I was blinded by their sweet nothings and their persona – that whole facade of the perfect guy I thought. The dates I spent with them consisted of hanging out with other friends, his other friends. And I’m the girlfriend in the corner as he socialize. We never took pictures together, they were once my wallpaper, and I wasn’t. It wasn’t all trashy, I mean my relationships lasted more than a year. It was just plain because I never expected anything.

I’m really just ranting random stuff right now, and if you’re reading this which I hope not, since I gave you the link weeks ago… I don’t know. You’re there, I’m here. I really don’t know what to say now. I just really like you. Heh.